I could hardly fall asleep last night. Your daughter called me yesterday to share how concerned she is about you. She loves you a lot and was worried about how you are taking the news of your child being LGBTQ. (Don’t worry, you’ll figure out what that means soon enough.) Right now, let’s talk about you.
I understand, from a mom’s perspective how disorienting finding out can be and I know your daughter is worried about you, but I asked her to focus on her brother. I asked her a bunch of questions about him to see how’s he’s doing and it seems to be going okay. He has a great group of friends who love and support him, plus he’s got his sister. You know how much she loves him.
While I was asking those questions and others, I could feel my mind running back and forth from the two years before March 9th and these two short months after. You see, my two children came out nearly two and a half years ago, but it didn’t really “hit” me about what that might mean for my family until March 9th, of this year. I thought my world was falling apart. I had spent those two years struggling, but nothing prepared me for the total devastation I felt on that one day.
Now, I realize I can tell you all about what happened with me during those two years and on that day, but those things won’t change your heart. This is your road and you will find your own answers, but I want to share with you a few things I know now that might help you on your journey.
- You are not alone!
- Your child didn’t change. What you know about them did.
- Focus on the love you have for your child. You do still love them the same way. It hasn’t changed.
- Be patient with yourself.
- Let your child know that you need time to adjust to what you now know. It’s okay to admit that.
- Take time to learn. You will have questions. Reach out to those with similar experiences. You probably won’t have to look very far. There are a lot of us out here.
- Listen to what your heart it telling you. Your fear will tell you one thing. Your faith another. Your logical brain will tell you something all together different. The most important voice right now is your heart.
- It’s okay for your religious beliefs to adjust and change. It really is. I have grown more aware of how inclusive God is. Your child is precious in His eyes.
- Give yourself permission to grieve. You had a picture in your head of what your child’s life would be like and that will be altered. It’s okay to feel the loss of what you hoped for.
- Your child needs you to express your love and commitment to your relationship with them. Don’t cast them aside because of this new bit of knowledge. Use it to your advantage and deepen your relationship with them.
- Ask your child questions. Talk about their experience.
- Lastly, it’s okay to love your child. No matter what anyone else says or thinks.
I know there is uncertainty down this road. I know that there are so many sides to this path and with those sides come a million emotions and emotional swings. It’s okay. It’s a journey and it may take time. Take a deep breath and just love. You are not alone.