We have four children, three of whom are in current relationships. The third child has been in two previous relationships – one with a young woman and one with a young married couple. We have gotten close to the other three childrens’ partners, but not the other ones.

Why? Honestly? This child had just come out and we were shocked. That would be a good word to use. Plus, we just didn’t like who our child became with that particular person. It wasn’t a good fit. Then, the married couple came along. Shocked, would be the appropriate word to use again since we had just learned what the term “pansexual” means. Our child moved in with them and they lived happily, for awhile. 

This was another instance of being too shocked to really take time to get to know them and, by the time we did, the relationship was ending and our child was moving on. It was challenging and felt unfair to our child, who wanted us to know what good people they were.

Here’s the thing, I want to love and support our children and their choices in partners. I really do. And I DO, with my whole heart, but I am so worried about them breaking up and me losing a piece of my heart. I know there’s no guarantee, but at least with my own kids, I would see them again. If I lose one of these partners, they are just gone. 

Our youngest daughter and her girlfriend broke up for several days recently. It hurt. My husband and I grieved for the loss of this relationship because we couldn’t see a way forward to stay in contact and to support and encourage this young woman. It was a sad couple of days.

I know it’s not just in LGBTQ relationships that this problem comes up. Divorce is a scary word for me, from my youth, but I didn’t realize how scared I still am of the power that word has to shatter part of my heart. We have four children who will have partners and I will open my heart to each of them. If the relationship ends, part of my heart will walk away, probably forever. 

I don’t know how this will work out – now and in the future. I don’t know how to protect my heart or if I even want to. It’s just not who I am. I am scared though. I adore our childrens’ partners and I would hate to lose them from our family. Hopefully, we won’t have to.

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